Glastonbury 2008 Festival in doubt.
March 15, 2008
Glastonbury founder Michael Eavis claimed that his festival was under threat because cows on his farm were “freaking out” after eating illegal drugs left by revellers.
Mr Eavis said his award-winning Holstein Friesians had been ‘acting very strangely’ after being let back into the grounds of his Worthy Farm used by campers at last year’s event.
“I am as liberal minded as the next man, but I promised my wife that when the festival started to affect our livestock I would call it a day. To see farm animals high on mind altering drugs is very upsetting ” said the leftfield farmer.
“Over the past six weeks I have seen my otherwise docile Jersey Cows organise themselves into teams and compete against each other in the 100 yard dash. I have seen my prize winning ‘Chester White’ pigs lying on their backs, gazing up at the sky and just giggling for hours on end. And if you haven’t seen a chicken do the ‘Charlie Chaplin walk’ you haven’t lived . The only explanation I can give is that my animals have accidentally eaten left over drugs from last year’s Glastonbury Festival.”
Talking from his bed at Moorhaven Psychiatric Hospital in Plymouth, Mr Eavis added ,
”I honestly fear for the future of the event that has been held on my farm since 1970. I have managed to turn a blind eye to the strange going’s on for a few years now but I am afraid my wife and family must come first. If my nine year old son ever saw our two shire horses sword fighting at two o’clock in the morning like I did last week I could never forgive myself.”
A spokesman for the South Devon Health Trust told our reporter,
”Mr Eavis is likely to remain on close observations for the foreseeable future.”
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I was there in 2005 and my dog ate what can only be described as L.S.D. He has recently returned from a trip to an Ashram in India and now no longer wants to eat the dog food I am giving him and will only eat mung beans! He sits for hours and hours staring into space and won’t even attack the postman, which used to be one of his favourite pastimes. I’ve taken him to the vet but he hasn’t got any answers either - what can i do?
Last time I attended the festival my time was split between getting swans to inhale crack and feeding diazepam to slugs. Wicked time!